(From Blanchard Valley Health System)
For many, family is considered a sacred bond—unchangeable, unconditional, and lifelong. But for a growing number of Americans, family relationships are not a source of support, but of deep pain and distance. Family estrangement, once a taboo topic kept behind closed doors, is now a rising and recognized social trend. Research shows that approximately 1 in 4 Americans are estranged from at least one family member. The reasons are complex, and the impacts are profound.
Estrangement refers to the deliberate distancing between family members, often involving little or no contact over an extended period. It may occur between parents and adult children, siblings, or even entire sides of a family. Family estrangement has been referred to as “the silent epidemic of our time,” and is often accompanied by grief, confusion, and shame. Estrangement is rarely about just one thing, as it often stems from years of miscommunication, unresolved pain, and emotional mismatches between generations.
Social scientists point to a number of cultural changes fueling the increase in family cutoffs. There are changing views on emotional safety. Today’s adult children are more likely to prioritize mental health and set firm boundaries—even if that means limiting or ending contact with parents or relatives. There are also evolving definitions of abuse. Behaviors once considered “normal” or “strict” parenting are now viewed through the lens of emotional harm or neglect. A growing awareness of trauma, boundaries, and “toxic” dynamics in therapy and on social media has also encouraged many to re-evaluate their family relationships. An increase in divorce rates and blended families can also be driving the changes in family dynamics, as major shifts in family structure can create rifts that persist into adulthood. Additionally, political and generational clashes can lead to long-term conflict.
While adult children may feel relief or empowerment after going “no contact,” estranged parents often experience a profound sense of loss. They may feel like their world has collapsed, or feel that they don’t know what they did wrong, or how to make it right. Still reconciliation is possible—but it requires empathy, humility, and sometimes professional mediation by a therapist, clergy or mediator.
Rebuilding a fractured family relationship is not simple. In some cases, estrangement is necessary to protect mental, physical, and emotional well-being. In others, it may reflect misunderstandings that could be resolved through honest conversation. Experts recommend listening without defensiveness, apologizing for past harm (even if unintentional), respecting boundaries, and seeking therapy or support groups. Counseling or therapy may also be an important step in understanding the estrangement, processing your grief, and finding a way forward—whether that leads to reconciliation or peace within yourself. Estrangement is not always permanent—but healing, when possible, is a long and delicate process.
As more people speak openly about their family estrangements, society is beginning to reckon with the reality that “family” doesn’t always equal safety or closeness. Estrangement isn’t a failure; it’s a message. We can either ignore it or seek to understand what it tells us. For many, silence between relatives says more than words. Yet, in some families, the door—if not completely shut—can still be opened, even just a crack.
Robin L. Brown, LISW-S
Psychotherapist